PRETENDER:

actor, charlatan, deceiver, fake, faker, fraud, hypocrite, imitator, impostor, phony

 

Please don't lie to someone who trusts you, someone you have asked to trust you, asked to love and believe in you.  Don't lie to someone who holds and heals you.  Don't use them and strip their goodness away.  They will never be the same.

More Stories to Come

her affair

little league      the baseball bat      long walk past neighbors      

hawaii       chores         california  

I don't have any friends    

three's a crowd          lesbians  

lance to the heart      

no coaching allowed

         I'm sick of golf        buddha    

the sky is falling      walking in the rain

grocery money         fantasy life            

mother, father, sister    

  I'll pick you up   what's your sign  

tired since i met you      

you're the only one    

hey, how you doing              

 

 

One Woman's Truth

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?  The world would split open.
-Muriel Rukeyser

 

Each of us has a truth of our own buried deep inside, a boundless sea of thought, feeling, emotion, upon which our outward persona sails, dark and stormy, calm and flowing, these are the currents that give us life. We humans are as fragile as any ship ever built and exposing our inner selves is not something we do naturally, an evolutional safety. Once or twice in a life time we may meet someone we feel safe enough with to open our harbor gates and let our true selves flow. It is both a thrilling and frightening voyage, and when it happens, changes us forever.

Being betrayed by someone you trust, changes you even more.

A story of betrayal is never just one story for betrayals don't come that way, they develop from a long legacy of betrayals. The person capable of betraying is incapable of certain thoughts and emotions, and operates from a deficit of character, predictably scripted by a scarcity of human bonding, repeated lacks of nurturing and acceptance.

When our reality has been shattered, we lose all faith and belief in ourselves, in life and the world around us. The one thing we all have, that no one can ever take away from us, is our truth.


 

 

Monday
Nov072011

The modern narcissist and his quest for revenge

This is an excerpt from an article by David Brooks of the New York Times, a link is provided below.

Let us enter, you and I, into the moral universe of the modern narcissist.

The narcissistic person is marked by a grandiose self-image, a constant need for admiration, and a general lack of empathy for others. He is the keeper of a sacred flame, which is the flame he holds to celebrate himself.

His self-love is his most precious possession. It is the holy center of all that is sacred and right. He is hypersensitive about anybody who might splatter or disregard his greatness. If someone treats him slightingly, he perceives that as a deliberate and heinous attack. If someone threatens his reputation, he regards this as an act of blasphemy. He feels justified in punishing the attacker for this moral outrage.

And because he plays by different rules, and because so much is at stake, he can be uninhibited in response. Everyone gets angry when they feel their self-worth is threatened, but for the narcissist, revenge is a holy cause and a moral obligation, demanding overwhelming force.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/16/opinion/16brooks.html?_r=2

 

If you have been used or abused by someone who shows no empathy or remorse, you have seen a modern narcissist close up. And if you dared stand up to him, or worse yet, expose him, without a doubt you experienced another classic personality trait - his quest for revenge.

First the person that has convinced you to believe in and trust him, betrays you and every moment, experience, and word  he uttered, for years. He sabotages, manipulates, and psychologically and emotionally abuses you - and then, after your life and your reality have been destroyed, he continues his abuse and attacks  and demeans you. It is the only way that a narcissist can live with himself and continue his life of deception. 

Over time I watched my abuser blame, demean, sabotage and retaliate against people he believed had wronged or slighted him in any way, or that he was jealous of, which included just about everyone at one time or other. It was all completely fabricated in his mind and just his feeling inferior and jealous - of someone else's job, money, success, wife or happiness. He was especially critical of anyone who had children his son's age.

He was a covert abuser and his methods were stealthy and insidious. He took great joy in finding new ways to taunt and frustrate co workers and even members of his own family, and even admitted it  was done for pure entertainment. 

But when it came to work or someone he thought had failed to promote, reward or recognize his superior abilities, he went on a vendetta. He accused who ever it was as hating him and being out to get him. He declared them incompetent and unfair. Fairness was a big one for him, everyone and everything was unfair. 

So what did he do? He found ways to undermine and slight them when ever he could. He very methodically called anyone who might be in contact with or know that person. He dug for any dirt or negative information he could use to bolster his position and he withheld and or manipulated facts. And when I say called, I mean he called. He got on the phone and went down the list of contacts, day after day, instigating what ever he could.

It took a while before I saw these things, the more time we spent together the more disturbing it became. I called him out on this behavior, at first very gently and lovingly as he convinced me he wanted to change and be a different kind of man. But it was all just more of the mania that was his life and there was no changing. And then of course it all unraveled when I saw who he really was and he methodically and maliciously turned on me. 

 

 

 

 

 

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